Deleting the Negative -- Deep thoughts by Leslie L. Lewallen

Deleting the Negative

Deep thoughts by Leslie L. Lewallen

Do you have a negative tape that runs in your head?  I’ll admit it. I do.  It’s part of our shame culture—the one that suggests that we aren’t enough.  “I need to lose 10 pounds,” “Ugh…look at those bags under my eyes,”  “She is so much ______ more than I am. Why can’t I be like her/him/them?”  Sound familiar?

As women, mothers, caregivers, businesswomen and more, we need to DELETE that negative tape. We need to replace those thoughts with thoughts that actually SERVE us and help us become the best version of ourselves!!

But how do we do that?  I was taught a few simple steps to help us on the road to deleting the negative.

First, we need to be aware of the negative thought that no longer serves us.  We have a CHOICE!!! We can feed into the negative, or we can put an immediate stop to that thought – stop the tape and move forward.

Yes!  We get to choose our thoughts!!! We do!!!  These negative thoughts are LIMITING thoughts. They are not what we were born with!!! When we were little, we had courage and conviction because the world hadn’t told us NO yet. 

Watch!  I love to see little kids run around naked! They love themselves! They aren’t worried about what others will think! They aren’t concerned that their thighs are too big, that their hair is messed up or that they “shouldn’t do this or that.” They just ARE. They believe in themselves because they haven’t been beaten down by societies limiting beliefs.

When those negative tapes or “Negative Nellie” voices pop into our heads, we need to visualize DELETING them.   Literally close your eyes and imagine a computer keyboard and the delete button.  Imagine hitting that button THREE times. Delete. Delete. Delete.  GONE!! 

Now that the negative thought (s) has been deleted, we need to RETRAIN and re-focus our minds on thoughts that DO serve us. thoughts that we DESERVE.  We need to create a new pathway for conditioned thoughts to become habit! 

We are responsible for how we feel and how we show up.  We are NOT garbage cans and we don’t have to let all that garbage in!  WE control our mood – despite our circumstances!

Retraining your mind with “I am” words helps us focus on what we want. What we want to become.  We need to put these words out into the universe. We need to speak them out loud so our brain hears us and believes us.   “I am organized! I am successful! I am fit and healthy! I will survive! I am ENOUGH.

For years, books and movies have touched on this subject.  In Bridget Jone’s Diary, Mark Darcy tells Bridget: “I like you, very much. Just as you are.”  He replaces her negative thoughts with the idea that she is “enough” – just the way she is!

We LAUGH about these attempts at self-affirmation, but in all honesty, it is important!  Take for example, Saturday Night Live’s Stuart Smalley’s daily affirmations skit where he stands in front of the mirror and repeats: “You are good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it, people LIKE you!” (Skits circa 1975).

In the book, made into movie, The Help, one of the MOST quoted portions of the movie is where the help tells the little girl: “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”― Kathryn Stockett, The Help.

Positivity and refusing to let that negative tape play is a choice.  Much like Pollyanna’s “Glad Game.”  Pollyanna, an orphan character in another book turned movie (by Disney) created the glad game.  The game consists of finding something to be glad about in every situation. The game started when one Christmas, Pollyanna, who was hoping for a doll in the missionary barrel, found only a pair of crutches inside. Making the game up on the spot, Pollyanna's father taught her to look at the good side of things—in this case, to be glad about the crutches because "we didn't need to use them!"  VOILA!  In another classic moment, Pollyanna reads the quote on a locket from her deceased father:  “When you look for the bad in mankind, expecting to find it, you surely will. - Abraham Lincoln.”  Similarly, when you look for the good, you will surely find that too!  It’s always a choice.

When I started in my direct sales business, I had no idea that I had let those negative thoughts/tapes take control over my life!!  Even though I wanted and decided to leave my career and  “stay at home” with my kids, I somehow felt myself slowly slipping away.  The long days gave me ample opportunity to find fault with myself and second-guess my decision to “stay home.”  It wasn’t long before I didn’t recognize the reflection in the mirror. 

Once I started my little lash biz, the strangest thing happened!!! I started getting my mojo back.  I started to get “THAT girl” girl back – the one who was bold, self-confident and believed in herself!!  Yes…THAT girl.  I had to!!! Why?  Because I had to believe in myself FIRST before I could believe in others!!  I was FORCED to look for the positive if I was going to succeed!!!

At one point, early in my career, I was tempted to allow the negative tapes to run wild.  Comparing myself to others, I heard those voices tell me: “You aren’t like her, you don’t have her network, she has more time than you do, she lives next door to her sponsor, I don’t know anyone in this town, I can’t do this, why did I start this, why did I think I could succeed.”  Yes. I let the garbage in.  I had become an enormous TRASHCAN for negative thoughts. 

Prior to throwing in the towel, I reached out to a friend, and she re-directed my thoughts.  I had always believed in “dressing for the job you want, not the job you have,” and she told me to BE THE LEVEL (or in my company’s case, color promotion), that I wanted to BE!  Instead of focusing on my “limitations”, I made of list of what it WOULD TAKE to achieve my goals. What would it take to overcome those obstacles I felt were in the way of my success!!! 

I needed to STOP feeling sorry for myself. I needed to stop looking for every excuse in the book to FAIL and I need to show up and BE the leader I wanted to BE!!!  So I did!!!  I did!!!

When the negative thoughts would creep into my head I would stop them. I would re-focus and think to myself: “What would I tell a team member?”  How would I coach them?  Then, I would say the SAME thing to myself!! 

I’m not perfect. I’m still a work in progress.  But I try to remind myself, and others, EVERYDAY that I/we deserve better.  I do not deserve to think those negative, self-limiting thoughts! 

So cheers to deleting the negative!!!  Time to play the “glad game!” 

p.s. I’m really glad you’re reading this!!!  Thanks!!!