The Selfie police, “No-No” Ladies and Other Busy Bodies

I didn't get the memo that after a certain age it was a big "no-no" to take selfies, wear dark lipstick or certain clothes.  However, I just saw a friend totally shamed on Facebook for taking a “selfie” at a certain age!

I don't know when women gave themselves permission to be the “no-no” police and tell women what they can and cannot do; what they can and cannot wear; or how they should act at a “certain age.”

Have I lost my marbles or is the real “no-no” our lack of human decency and support for one another?  Since when have we given ourselves permission to publicly shame our fellow sisters, children and or perfect strangers?  THAT is the real “no-no!”

My own mother has from time to time said: “I'd love to wear this or that” or “that looks cute on you but I just can't at my age.”  She then follows up and says people would “talk” or “people would ask [her] where [she] was going, or wonder who [she] thought [she] was.” How crazy is that? How crazy is it that we are living, dressing and caring about people who have little to no impact on our lives? 

This is a tragedy.  We are allowing what “others” think or some ubiquitous set of societal “rules” to imprison us!!  We live in constant fear of what other people will, or will not, think of us or what they might say about us!!  And the added kicker is that we DO THIS knowing all the while that it won't matter what we do, what we say or what we wear, because those same people are going to talk anyway! There is NO satisfying “them” because “they” don’t really exist!! So why not dress and do what makes you feel comfortable?  Why not put on that bright red lipstick if that's what makes you feel confident today? Why not wear that gorgeous sparkly necklace TODAY?  Why not celebrate TODAY and stop waiting for “the right time?”

Why don't we spend more time doing, feeling and wearing what makes us comfortable rather than picking apart others? Personally, I have never enjoyed my stomach after children.  As a result I feel more comfortable in a tankini or in a one-piece bathing suit.  But I give kudos and a big shout outs to those women rocking bikinis at any age!  When you go to Europe you see women in their 60s, 70s, 80s maybe in their  90s wearing bikinis! You see men who are well into their golden years wearing bikini shorts and they don't care! They are rocking what GOD gave them and they are CONFIDENT with their gifts.  Does their confidence make us feel insecure? It shouldn't!! We teach our children to love themselves. We teach them that beauty comes in all sizes, shapes and forms...and then we TEAR each other down!!!

Is it a “no-no” to have breast implants?  Is it a “no-no” to wear a two-piece bathing suit after certain age?  What if that woman had breast cancer and had reconstructive surgery? What if that woman was a type one diabetic and had to wear a two-piece bathing suit in order to accommodate her insulin pump?  Why are we so concerned with what others are doing?  

I'd like to suggest that we are concerned with what others are doing so as to deflect our own insecurities our own perceived shortcomings and our own issues that we wish not to address.  It's easy for us to sit back and point the finger at somebody else and say “look at her I can't believe she has the balls to go out and wear that kind of dress at her age!”  That's easier than to sit and admit to ourselves that we wish that maybe we had more confidence or we wish perhaps we could get away with what that woman is wearing.  But we can't we can't because we let the negative voices inside our head win.  We believed those voices -- whether the actual voices that have told us we can or cannot do something --or those voices in our head, playing over and over, telling us that no one cares, or that people will think were vain, or WHATEVER.

I've noticed that some of the most well put together women on the outside are usually those women who don't have it together on the inside.  How do I know? Because I'm one of them!  I choose my outfit and my make up often times as a shield -- as protection against the world. I use it to battle the negativity, the criticism and petty insults like the one I just saw on Facebook! 

Before you throw darts at someone, consider that perhaps her home may be falling apart on the inside.  Perhaps her marriage is on the rocks, or she’s struggling with health issues, or financial issues.  It is usually on THOSE days, where my LIFE seems to be falling apart, where I take extra care to make sure my red lipstick is on!  Ever look at a woman and think she has it all together? She always looks so perfect and then we come to learn that her husbands cheating on her or her child just died?  Then we feel sorry for her, but do we get upset with ourselves for picking on her? Do we regret ridiculing her, or attempting to make her feel smaller?

If makeup is not your thing don't wear it. If sequins, leopard print and sparkles don’t float your boat -- don't wear them.  If taking selfies makes you squirm, then by all means – DON’T do it!!  But for heaven’s sake bite your tongue!! Walk away! You do NOT need to comment on what your fellow sister does or does not do!  If it’s not for you, just WALK away without comment.  Without comment.  

Live your life authentically and leave others to do the same. Before you feel free to judge somebody – either publicly or in your head -- take a moment's pause and think about what fight she's fighting today.  

If there's anything I've learned in my short 41 years on this earth is that we are all fighting some kind of battle.  Be kind.  And may I conclude with saying perhaps the biggest “no-no” we can perpetuate in this world of silly made up fashion police rules and the “no-no” Nazis, is the loss of decency, respect and courtesy.  Be YOU and let others alone to be themselves.

And for your enjoyment, I'm going to be posting a bunch of selfies -- because I CAN!!!  (Please notice the bright red lipstick. I'm rocking it out after 40!).