The Selfie police, “No-No” Ladies and Other Busy Bodies

I didn't get the memo that after a certain age it was a big "no-no" to take selfies, wear dark lipstick or certain clothes.  However, I just saw a friend totally shamed on Facebook for taking a “selfie” at a certain age!

I don't know when women gave themselves permission to be the “no-no” police and tell women what they can and cannot do; what they can and cannot wear; or how they should act at a “certain age.”

Have I lost my marbles or is the real “no-no” our lack of human decency and support for one another?  Since when have we given ourselves permission to publicly shame our fellow sisters, children and or perfect strangers?  THAT is the real “no-no!”

My own mother has from time to time said: “I'd love to wear this or that” or “that looks cute on you but I just can't at my age.”  She then follows up and says people would “talk” or “people would ask [her] where [she] was going, or wonder who [she] thought [she] was.” How crazy is that? How crazy is it that we are living, dressing and caring about people who have little to no impact on our lives? 

This is a tragedy.  We are allowing what “others” think or some ubiquitous set of societal “rules” to imprison us!!  We live in constant fear of what other people will, or will not, think of us or what they might say about us!!  And the added kicker is that we DO THIS knowing all the while that it won't matter what we do, what we say or what we wear, because those same people are going to talk anyway! There is NO satisfying “them” because “they” don’t really exist!! So why not dress and do what makes you feel comfortable?  Why not put on that bright red lipstick if that's what makes you feel confident today? Why not wear that gorgeous sparkly necklace TODAY?  Why not celebrate TODAY and stop waiting for “the right time?”

Why don't we spend more time doing, feeling and wearing what makes us comfortable rather than picking apart others? Personally, I have never enjoyed my stomach after children.  As a result I feel more comfortable in a tankini or in a one-piece bathing suit.  But I give kudos and a big shout outs to those women rocking bikinis at any age!  When you go to Europe you see women in their 60s, 70s, 80s maybe in their  90s wearing bikinis! You see men who are well into their golden years wearing bikini shorts and they don't care! They are rocking what GOD gave them and they are CONFIDENT with their gifts.  Does their confidence make us feel insecure? It shouldn't!! We teach our children to love themselves. We teach them that beauty comes in all sizes, shapes and forms...and then we TEAR each other down!!!

Is it a “no-no” to have breast implants?  Is it a “no-no” to wear a two-piece bathing suit after certain age?  What if that woman had breast cancer and had reconstructive surgery? What if that woman was a type one diabetic and had to wear a two-piece bathing suit in order to accommodate her insulin pump?  Why are we so concerned with what others are doing?  

I'd like to suggest that we are concerned with what others are doing so as to deflect our own insecurities our own perceived shortcomings and our own issues that we wish not to address.  It's easy for us to sit back and point the finger at somebody else and say “look at her I can't believe she has the balls to go out and wear that kind of dress at her age!”  That's easier than to sit and admit to ourselves that we wish that maybe we had more confidence or we wish perhaps we could get away with what that woman is wearing.  But we can't we can't because we let the negative voices inside our head win.  We believed those voices -- whether the actual voices that have told us we can or cannot do something --or those voices in our head, playing over and over, telling us that no one cares, or that people will think were vain, or WHATEVER.

I've noticed that some of the most well put together women on the outside are usually those women who don't have it together on the inside.  How do I know? Because I'm one of them!  I choose my outfit and my make up often times as a shield -- as protection against the world. I use it to battle the negativity, the criticism and petty insults like the one I just saw on Facebook! 

Before you throw darts at someone, consider that perhaps her home may be falling apart on the inside.  Perhaps her marriage is on the rocks, or she’s struggling with health issues, or financial issues.  It is usually on THOSE days, where my LIFE seems to be falling apart, where I take extra care to make sure my red lipstick is on!  Ever look at a woman and think she has it all together? She always looks so perfect and then we come to learn that her husbands cheating on her or her child just died?  Then we feel sorry for her, but do we get upset with ourselves for picking on her? Do we regret ridiculing her, or attempting to make her feel smaller?

If makeup is not your thing don't wear it. If sequins, leopard print and sparkles don’t float your boat -- don't wear them.  If taking selfies makes you squirm, then by all means – DON’T do it!!  But for heaven’s sake bite your tongue!! Walk away! You do NOT need to comment on what your fellow sister does or does not do!  If it’s not for you, just WALK away without comment.  Without comment.  

Live your life authentically and leave others to do the same. Before you feel free to judge somebody – either publicly or in your head -- take a moment's pause and think about what fight she's fighting today.  

If there's anything I've learned in my short 41 years on this earth is that we are all fighting some kind of battle.  Be kind.  And may I conclude with saying perhaps the biggest “no-no” we can perpetuate in this world of silly made up fashion police rules and the “no-no” Nazis, is the loss of decency, respect and courtesy.  Be YOU and let others alone to be themselves.

And for your enjoyment, I'm going to be posting a bunch of selfies -- because I CAN!!!  (Please notice the bright red lipstick. I'm rocking it out after 40!).

Beauty as Art -- Why Wearing Makeup Should not be Shamed

Yesterday, I had the honor of attending and speaking at my company's Empower You training in Chicago, Illinois.  Our company sells "makeup," but what is becoming more and more evident to me, is that we are SHARING self-esteem and inner beauty through confidence and empowerment and fun.

Much controversy surrounds the makeup industry as a whole and women who choose to wear makeup.  I've found many women and men attempt to compliment women by telling them that they are beautiful that they do not "need" makeup.  However, I cannot help but sometimes feel this "compliment" is backhanded and attempt to be a dig, or suggestion that by wearing makeup one is somehow vain or a message that they NEED makeup to feel beautiful.  In my experience, vanity, perhaps is one of the LAST reasons a woman (or a man), will wear makeup.

I see makeup much like I see clothes and fashion -- it's an outward expression of who I am. It's an outward expression of how I feel.  I know I do not NEED it, but I like the way I feel when I play with colors and different textures and looks.

Case in point?  My maternity pictures.  I love how darker colors can literally make me feel more sophisticated and sexy, while lighter colors can make me feel fresh, innocent and pure.  It's fun for me. It's an artistic expression.

I love to draw. My favorite is pencil drawing and thicker oil paints. I love the contrast between black and white and all the shades of grey in between.  Then...the heavier textured acrylic paints add that vibrant pop of color that's so eye-catching and fun.

To me, fashion and makeup is ART. Yes. Art.  It's an adult color pallet that allows one to express her/himself in accordance to their terms and feelings.

Makeup is not insulin.  However, I want to suggest that it is a powerful medicine.  Through my 19 months of being in the "makeup industry," I have seen and heard from so many women, in so many different situations, that have shared that the simple act of putting on makeup -- of putting on a brave face in light of divorce, chemotherapy, loss, depression or whatever, is that ONE thing that helps them heal on the inside.  The simple act of feeling pretty on the OUTSIDE, somehow, impacts the way these women feel on the INSIDE. How can that be wrong?

My sister, currently undergoing chemotherapy, referred to putting on her makeup as an "anti-depressant."  I agree 100%. When I joined this company, it was the dead of winter in Central Illinois.  I had given up my career to raise my boys, but I had lost myself along the way.  I spent my days in my pajamas or in my "workout clothes" and I felt as though I was disappearing.  When I started my new business, I was forced to put on makeup because it was billboard, and then, interestingly, if my face was done, I somehow felt BETTER, put on REAL clothes and felt that I could literally face the world.

Our culture is so full of insecurity, shame, hatred and down-right meanness, why would we SHAME women for wanting to put their best face forward?  Why would we try to belittle or break them down for wanting to feel BEAUTIFUL, if only on the outside, because they are breaking on the inside?    Why would we want to PERPETUATE a culture that we say we are fighting (one that says we don't NEED make up to be or feel beautiful)?

I'm honored and proud to be doing what I do. I'm blessed to be making a small, but significant change in helping women feel that they are ENOUGH.  That yes, they are beautiful. That they can put on makeup, take a selfie, and share it with the world.  How empowering is it to get outside your comfort zone and be validated that you told those negative voices in your head to take a hike.  To see the "likes" on your selfie!!!

Beauty is in they eye of the beholder. Beauty SHOULD start from within, but sometimes, when we are broken, when life is moving beyond our control, or when our "femininity" is being taken from us, the simple act of putting on lipstick is all the armor we need to face the day and say: I'm ENOUGH.

If your true intent is to empower women, and to make them feel like validated, let them be.  If they want to wear makeup, compliment them.  If they choose not to wear makeup, compliment them.  But don't perpetuate the belittlement of women by attempting in a back-handed way to shame them or demean them for wanting or needing to express themselves. It may be their only defense in a world that has beaten them down.

I hope to raise my daughter in a way, where I ask myself if my comments, suggestions or "compliments" truly uplift, empower and validate her as a person. As a person that SHE choses to be!!

The Trials and Tribulations of Working from Home

I always dreamed of being able to work from home. Savoring my coffee, whilst still in my pajamas as the rest of the world is tugging on panty hose and running out the door with stale toast in their hands. I dreamt of lounging on the couch, with The Today show quietly on in the background and blissfully working with none of the distractions of silly meetings, billable hours or bosses watching your every move.

This dream was the result of my experiences.  I've been fortunate enough to experience it all. I've been the working woman, racing out the door in a crisp tailored suit, briefcase and hair in a french twist.  I've been the working mom, racing out the door in a "somewhat" pressed suit with baby spit up on it, and hair in a messy bun.I've been a stay at home mom, in the yoga pants and nikes watching the clock tick by slowly, counting down the hours until my husband came home to save me from inevitable boredom and monotony.

Now....now, I am living the DREAM!!!  I'm a self-employed, mother who works from HOME!!  Do you hear angels singing? No?  Me neither.  Every decision has it's pros and cons -- it's plus and minuses, it's good and bad.  Quotes and adages have been coined for THIS situation: "be careful what you wish for;" "grass is greener on the other side;" "you always want what you don't have."

I'm a BUSY mom! I work from home, which means my home is my office, and my dog, cats, three boys and husband are always in my "office!" Their shoes, clothes, backpacks etc. are in my office.  My "other" job (i.e. my domestic) duties constantly stare me in the face, reminding me ALWAYS that there is more to be done. There will always be MORE to do.  There will always be a feeling of inadequacy, or rather, never finishing the job!

But that is life!! We are never DONE! There is always more to do! There is always something waiting for your attention, someone or something that needs MORE...and I'm learning that is OK!

Why?  When I'm "done" is when I'm dead.  When I'm done, this house will be perfectly clean and quiet, there will be no "issues" from work, because I will likely not have a job (whether it be in the office or at home).  There will be nothing, but a very loud silence.  

So I'm embracing where I am RIGHT NOW in life! I'm not perfect. My life isn't perfect, but I'm WORKING and working at being me, being a mom, being a wife, being a friend, a leader, a businesswoman and being AUTHENTIC.

I'm finding that nobody wants perfect. They may say they do, but they appreciate real.  They appreciate when you show that the struggle is real. So...in an effort to show my struggle, I'll share my video I made in less than 2 minutes for my mascara/makeup business!

I had about 2 minutes to show this amazing product!  Excuse my hair, my dog barking and kids fighting in the background!  Seriously, if you get ONE product for yourself this fall...it NEEDS to be Younique's liquid foundation.  Check out the hot mess here: https://youtu.be/nLjcBgR480U

Freedom With Age -- Embracing Life

Life keeps getting better and better!  When I was younger, I think I feared getting "older" and older to me, meant in my 40's!  However, I never expected the amount of liberation and freedom I would feel once I matured, shed my concerns over what others' think of me, and started to live more authentically!

During my first few pregnancies, I lived in fear. I was afraid of gaining too much weight, afraid of losing "myself," afraid of what I thought others would say, and afraid...essentially, of the changes that were taking place with my body!  Being a self-proclaimed perfectionist, being "out of control" of my body for 9 months is a nerve-wracking experience!  

I hid behind these insecurities and said things like: "I just don't post belly pictures."  I'm not an "exhibitionist."  "Pregnancy is a private matter."  I hid my belly behind looser-fitting maternity clothes, and listened to some of my relatives "tsk tsking" those women who wore body-hugging dresses during their pregnancy.  I lived my life walking on egg shells and worried about what EVERYONE else thought.  I was so consumed with my own insecurities, that I missed out on the joy and miracles taking place.

This time around, I feel a very different sense of freedom. I have been willing to embrace maternity fashion that I avoided before.  Instead of fighting my body, and the life growing inside, I have reached a new level of peace.  I'm embracing it all.  Now that I'm 41, the fact that I'm carrying another child after experiencing secondary infertility, miscarriage and more, is a testament to the strength of my marriage, my body and my soul. I'm proud. I'm proud of the miracle growing inside. 

I've reached a point, where if others express disdain, shock or uncomfortableness with a woman in her 40's being pregnant, this is THEIR issue.  So much discussion takes place about our bodies.  So much judgment is passed between women, about women!!  Instead of celebrating what our bodies can do, and the strength that comes with LIFE...we SHAME each other.  

Yesterday, I shed my fear. I embraced life and I embraced my adventures in MIDLIFE!!  I took maternity photos!!!  This was really out of my comfort zone, but honestly? It was one of the most liberating moments of my life!!  

I'm sure I will receive some criticism over these photos from family and friends, whom express pointed opinions about pregnancy etc., but, again, now that I'm older, I see these "opinions" as a reflection of their own insecurities and body shame issues.  

I'm living and loving my life!!  If I knew in my 20's or 30's, that life would be this FREE, I may have shed those silly concerns over what others' thought of my sooner!!

Watching my sister battle breast cancer has been eye-opening for me.  I LOVE her photos where she bears her soul. Her photos of herself with a bald head, are an amazing depiction of her strength and resolve to beat this disease.  I can see the empowerment in her eyes in those photos. I see the determination, the resolve and the LOVE of life.  I see a similar look in my own eyes in these photos. I see love, acceptance, comfort and peace.  I wish, as women, we could live our entire lives that way.

It is my hope that my daughter, whom I carry in these photos, will see these pictures and be inspired to live authentically. To live FREE from the opinions of others and FREE from the confines of societal handcuffs.  I hope she sees that LIFE is always a gift, a blessing and a miracle.

Photos curtesy of: sonshineportraitdesign.com and the amazing photographer, Christie Kline!

Putting on a Brave Face

My sister, a type-1 diabetic, mother of 4, attorney, land-use judge, marathon runner and more, has recently added one more title to the many hats she wears: breast cancer fighter.

Stephanie has always been an inspiration to me, but when she joined me in my mascara business, she BLEW me out of the water. So much so, that I felt compelled to write a press release about her.  Writing is my therapy.  I'm not so great at expressing my emotions all the time -- especially when things scare me and make me feel completely helpless and out of control.  My shield and weapon of choice is always the pen -- (or laptop now).  Words will NEVER describe the love, the respect, the complete admiration I feel for my sister, but here's my attempt to introduce you -- to give you an inside peek-- at one of the most amazing women I've ever met!!  Here's my "press release" that I wrote about her:

Putting on a “brave face” – Cancer Patient and her Sister Give Back During Chemotherapy Treatment.

Stephanie Marshall Hicks, a mother of four, volunteer, contract attorney, avid runner and land use hearings officer received devastating news last June. She was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma. Within a matter of weeks, Hicks began the first of an aggressive 8 rounds of chemotherapy over 16 weeks.

Despite her diagnosis, Hicks was determined to make lemonade out of lemons. In July, Stephanie decided to join Younique – a direct sales company, that sells makeup and skincare products. The company, most known for their 3D+ Fiber lash mascara, is a new company. However, as Hicks discovered, it is no ordinary company. It is a company with a mission to uplift, empower and validate women. A mission, which, resonates with Hicks.

Perhaps one of the hardest struggles with her cancer treatment was the loss of her hair. Even though the hair loss signified that the chemotherapy was working, it was nevertheless a constant reminder of her disease.
“When I first started with Younique, I had to force myself to put on my makeup. I am my own billboard for the product, so I have to wear it!! What I found, was that simple acts like getting dressed and putting on makeup made me feel more like ME again. It made me feel pretty and feminine, at a time when the things in my life that make me feel feminine were being taken away. It helped me, in a way to force myself to put on a ‘brave face.’”

Younique’s products are naturally based, which more than ever is important to Stephanie and her family. Moreover, makeup is recession proof- a luxury item many women will never part with regardless of the economy. Another aspect of this company that appealed to Stephanie was the online feature. “The company is the first ‘party company’ to operate solely on social media platforms. This is important, as I can host parties from the chemotherapy chair, or reach out to friends whom I have seen in years. I do not have to cook, clean or get my house ready. It’s all online!!”
Her “brave face” got noticed, and in less than a month, Stephanie promoted four times within her new business venture! Her sponsor and sister, Leslie Lewallen, said this: “It’s amazing to watch Stephanie. Despite everything that she has on her plate, and despite the fact that she’s out for three days every 2 weeks during her chemotherapy cycle, she still continues to succeed and promote!! I’ve watched her my entire life. She’s always been an inspiration, but she continues to up her game and impress me year after year. She has inspired thousands within the company. Women look up to her and say: “if she can do it…so can I!” Stephanie now has thousands of new friends who are cheering her on during treatment and helping to uplift, empower and validate her during this time.

In order to give back, Stephanie donated the proceeds of her commissions from all her sales in August to the Susan G. Komen breast cancer foundation Her sister, pledged to match the donation. Together they will have donated over $2,000 in a single month to cancer research.  Hicks has vowed to continue giving back in September, with a pledge to donate commissions this month to the St. Charles Cancer Center, and Sara’s Project, a local breast health education and outreach program to promote early detection of breast cancer and provide support to women facing a breast cancer diagnosis.

Stephanie’s mission is simple: “If you have been blessed in life, it is your duty to pass the blessing on. If I’ve learned anything with this cancer diagnosis, it is how important family, friends and supporting one another is.”

Together, Stephanie and her sister, Leslie donated more than $2,000 to Susan G. Komen.  The sisters have said that the feeling of empowerment – to give back during one’s fight – is humbling and gratifying.

To learn more, please contact Leslie at: lewallenbl@comcast.net. 309-363-9172, or www.lesliesluxelashes.com

Leslie's Favorite Maternity/Baby items 2015

I thought third time was the charm!! It was. I love my youngest boy. In fact, my heart breaks a little knowing he won't be my "baby" for much longer.  I'm hugging him a bit longer and a bit tighter these days.  I love all my boys, and we have a lot of fun. So much so, that #4 decided she wanted in on the action!!  Even though we were well into the next chapter of our lives, I decided to embrace every aspect of this "unplanned" miracle and rock it out.  I have to admit, that shopping for #4 has been FUN!!!

Here's what I'm learning. Some things don't change. People still act as a though a pregnant woman is fair game to touch, express opinions to, and "suggest" she may want to eat/drink something else.  That has not changed.

What has changed are all the maternity clothes, toys and gadgets!!! These items have seriously improved over the last 13 years when I was pregnant with my first, and even in the last 5 years, since I was pregnant with my last!

Let's chat clothes.  Originally, it was Old Navy, Motherhood Maternity, and then the UBER high end Pea in the Pod for your maternity wear.  Luckily, at that point in my life, I lived near an outlet mall, and stocked up at the local Motherhood Maternity store. I still did not like the clothes.  I remember getting what I thought was a cute red matching shirt/cardigan set. I was so excited to put it on...until...I put it on. I looked like a TOMATO.  So ever since then, I've attempted to steer clear of brightly colored maternity wear.

A few years later, Target and Nordstrom started to up their maternity wear game.  "Meh" was about all I had to say about that.  Honestly.  "Meh."

This time around, however, I've discovered a few brands that I'm DIGGING!!

1. Asos Maternity has really impressed me!!!  I found numerous dresses and basics that I find I'm reaching for time and time again!! I love my white and black dress that I wore on a cocktail cruise on Lake Michigan in Chicago, and a three-quarter length sleeve, olive green jersey dress that I can throw on and feel instantly put together!!!  Make sure you are ordering in US sizes. Pre-pregnancy size as well. I went up a "pre-pregnancy" size and things fit perfectly (i.e. Asos maternity runs small). The price point is GREAT!!! Maybe a wee bit more expensive than Old Navy or Target, but the quality is 1000 times better!!! us.asos.com/maternity

2. Stitch Fix. Go figure!! You sign up, fill out a fashion profile and then they send you a box of clothes, jewelry and accessories.  You keep what you want, and return the rest in a pre-paid shipping bag!!  TRUST me. I was skeptical.  I figured they'd get my size wrong.  They have been SPOT ON!!! Plus, since they ship once a month (or as often as you'd like), they send you pieces that work TRANSITIONALLY!!!!  My favorites so far have been the wrap dresses they have sent. Every time I put on the dresses, my husband and boys compliment me!!!  You can pin looks you love on your Stitch Fix pin on Pinterest to assist your fashion styler!!  PLUS...if you refer a friend to the site, you get a $25 referral credit when they order!!!  So sharing the love pays!! Check it out (they also do NON-maternity wear too!! I simply adore this service).  https://www.stitchfix.com/referral/3932174

3. Nordstrom.  The basic bundle from the Tarte line has been another go-to.  Definitely on the expensive side, but the fabric on the black basics is like BUTTER against my skin. Tank, skirt, leggings and dress.  They are soft, and do not irritate my already itchy skin. nordstrom.com

4. Zulily.  I love how they offer "deals of the day."  You get to try different brands and products at reduced zulily prices!  I have found a couple of GREAT brands on Zulily, that I most likely would not have purchased otherwise because of the higher price point.  www.seraphine.com/us has some very nice special occasion pieces. I checked there for a formal gown for my company's awards night (I ultimately wound up wearing a Motherhood maternity dress...but check here for weddings etc.).  I also found Momo Maternity!  This website has several winter coats that I bought!!  These coats are CUTE!! I got a red coat with black fur trim, and a pink coat with brown fur (yes, I'm all about the pink since #4 is a girl!!).  These coats, which normally run over $100, were a STEAL on Zulily!!!  You can find the entire line at: luxurylane.com/momo/maternity.  I have also stocked up on nursing basics, and basics for #4 on Zulily!  You never know what you'll find.  I even found a collapsable University of Washington Husky highchair!!!  It's my one-stop-shopping site for the entire family!!  (The boys don't know it, but I found some great Dr. Who items for Christmas at Zulily!).

In addition to the clothes, the GADGETS are getting amazingly cool.  UBER cool.  Babies come with a lot of stuff (or crap, as I normally say).  Lots and lots of crap.  Some of the new gadgets are simply extra "crap" that you won't really need or use, but, if you are a first time parent, which of course, I am not, you will likely buy.  BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! You will LEARN!!  Bottle warmers, have now graduated to Keurig formula filling bottles.  amazon.com (Search Baby Brezza).  Looks great, but let's be honest. I want -- no---NEED my coffee maker on the counter!!  Plus, if it takes as long as my Keurig to brew a cup of coffee...you will go nuts waiting.

BUT...there are some new inventions that I will be purchasing.  Here's what I'm eying (I still have a couple months to decide, and October is when the new baby gear gets announced, so I may be revising this portion of my blog!).

1. Doona car seat/stroller.  Yes. A car seat with a base, that with the press of a button, releases stroller legs!!  Check this video out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQPf9nWzA0k.  I'm thinking this looks GREAT!!!  Yes, it is expensive, and I may have to buy another car seat system at a later date, but honestly? The first 6+ months this could be a game-changing life saver!!!  I live in the Midwest and it's COLD. I do not like having to run out of the car to grab the stroller base, pull the baby out of the car and assemble on the go.  It's COLD.  Having the option for the car seat to move into a stroller will come in handing around the house too!!!  Will I have to be careful? Yes. If I'm strolling through the mud or wet snow, I will want to cover my leather car seat.  I will want a cloth handy to wipe down the wheels before putting into the car. Small price to pay for convenience.  I'll give my full review on this Doona Car Seat/Stroller after I've actually used it.  As for aesthetics, despite the fact that they are coming out with a PINK color this October, I'm leaning towards the grey color.  There are a variety of great travel systems, in varying price points.  I used the Graco Travel system with my past three boys, so if the Doona turns out to be a bust, I'll most likely revert back to the tried and true.   *I have found that if one is very active, once baby can hold his/her head up, you will want a good jogger stroller for long walks/runs.  I will research those options and report back at a later date!!!

2. Tega bike-to-stroller option.  Similar to the Doona car seat/stroller option, Tega, a Swedish company, has revolutionized stroller/new mom fitness and convenience.  www.tegabikes.com.  Oh yeah!!!  I can just IMAGINE myself riding my Tega bike through the neighborhood, up to our local ice cream parlor, then shifting with ease into my "stroller" option.  But in all honesty, with my boys being older, and the Rock Island Trail being so close to our home, having the easy and convenient way to ride bikes with my boys and #4 is appealing!! Is it $1495 convenient?  I do not know!  Given the fact that I highly doubt I'll be riding my bike -- Tega or not-- for the first few months of #4's life...I'll see where I wind up budget-wise in buying baby gadgets. Super cool gadget though.

3. PUJ tub.  My friend/hairdresser informed me about this gem.  Babies are slippery little suckers!!!  It's nerve wracking trying to bath your little bundle of joy when you are afraid of them slipping and getting hurt.  The Puj tub fits nicely into your sink, and helps grip your baby and prevent slipping, so you can bathe your little beauty with less stress!!  $35-44 is on the pricier side, but, if you cut out other junk you don't need, I believe this is a wise investment.

4. Other Miscellaneous items.  In my research, I've seen some fan favorites. Some I've tried, like the Aden + Anais swaddle blankets.  I love the muslim swaddle blankets and am looking forward to trying their new infant clothes line!!!  You can find this at target.com or amazon.com.  Other products, that have received great reviews are the Vulli Sophie Giraffe and the WabbaNub pacifiers.  While none of my boys ever took to a pacifier, given the cute kittens, elephants and other plush toys attached to the pacifier, I may be inclined to try one this round.  Stay tuned.

5. New Moms.  Seriously.  You must take care of you.  Essentials in my hospital bag will be Soma's cool night pajamas.  You will want them.  You will sweat. Your hormones will be a hot mess. Trust me. Get some good, cool pajamas.  soma.com.

Nursing camisole. You will want a camisole -- not just a bra. Why? You won't want your stomach showing. Regardless of whether you look like a Victoria Secret Model after you deliver, having coverage over your stomach when you nurse is nice.  Sometimes those middle of the night feedings can be drafty.  I love the nursing camisoles.

Makeup/skincare!  Don't neglect yourself!!  A little mascara and lip stain go a LONG way in helping you feel like YOU again.  The lip stain is perfect, as it stays put and won't come off on baby while you kiss her little toes and chubby cheeks all day long.  The 3D+ mascara will also not only help you look MORE rested than you will be, but it is also water-resistant, so when you have a hormonal breakdown (which you will), it will not wind up all over your face!!!  The naturally based products are safe for YOU and baby, so there's one less thing to feel guilty about!! Trust me. Get the mascara and lip stain and put it in your hospital bag: www.lesliesluxelashes.com.  I recommend shy or sappy for a very light natural look.  Sleek or Sultry for those nights when you have a sitter!!!  The rosewater spray is also very refreshing to spritz on your face (or might I even suggest on your chest area) for a quick pick me up and toning of the skin!!

With #4 I have found I'm willing to try new things.  Not necessarily more "stuff" but I'm willing to experiment more with my "beliefs" on child rearing.  My life has changed since I had my first, my second and even my third.  I'm willing to forgo the "diaper" pail and haul those dirty diapers to the trash can to avoid the smell. I'm willing to try to nurse longer, to avoid the cost and sheer messiness of bottles and formula.  Honestly, those bottles and formula can pile up!!!  **I make NO judgment here on breast vs. bottle. I've been on both sides of this issue, so it's really up to the mom and the point in her life.  I just have found that one of the things I despise the MOST about baby clutter, is all the bottles and formula piling up around the house.

I'm eying products that will enhance my life and help make it easier.  My goal is to not trip over the piles of toys and gadgets in my home. I want to streamline.  Luckily, I may not need some of the bouncers etc. this time around to help me get a quick 5 minute shower. I have three boys, whom, I'm hoping can entertain their little sister so I can pop into the shower, make dinner, or grab the phone.

All in all, I'm excited with the new products, and excited for the little blessing that will arrive this December!  I'd love to hear YOUR favorite things!!

Deleting the Negative -- Deep thoughts by Leslie L. Lewallen

Deleting the Negative

Deep thoughts by Leslie L. Lewallen

Do you have a negative tape that runs in your head?  I’ll admit it. I do.  It’s part of our shame culture—the one that suggests that we aren’t enough.  “I need to lose 10 pounds,” “Ugh…look at those bags under my eyes,”  “She is so much ______ more than I am. Why can’t I be like her/him/them?”  Sound familiar?

As women, mothers, caregivers, businesswomen and more, we need to DELETE that negative tape. We need to replace those thoughts with thoughts that actually SERVE us and help us become the best version of ourselves!!

But how do we do that?  I was taught a few simple steps to help us on the road to deleting the negative.

First, we need to be aware of the negative thought that no longer serves us.  We have a CHOICE!!! We can feed into the negative, or we can put an immediate stop to that thought – stop the tape and move forward.

Yes!  We get to choose our thoughts!!! We do!!!  These negative thoughts are LIMITING thoughts. They are not what we were born with!!! When we were little, we had courage and conviction because the world hadn’t told us NO yet. 

Watch!  I love to see little kids run around naked! They love themselves! They aren’t worried about what others will think! They aren’t concerned that their thighs are too big, that their hair is messed up or that they “shouldn’t do this or that.” They just ARE. They believe in themselves because they haven’t been beaten down by societies limiting beliefs.

When those negative tapes or “Negative Nellie” voices pop into our heads, we need to visualize DELETING them.   Literally close your eyes and imagine a computer keyboard and the delete button.  Imagine hitting that button THREE times. Delete. Delete. Delete.  GONE!! 

Now that the negative thought (s) has been deleted, we need to RETRAIN and re-focus our minds on thoughts that DO serve us. thoughts that we DESERVE.  We need to create a new pathway for conditioned thoughts to become habit! 

We are responsible for how we feel and how we show up.  We are NOT garbage cans and we don’t have to let all that garbage in!  WE control our mood – despite our circumstances!

Retraining your mind with “I am” words helps us focus on what we want. What we want to become.  We need to put these words out into the universe. We need to speak them out loud so our brain hears us and believes us.   “I am organized! I am successful! I am fit and healthy! I will survive! I am ENOUGH.

For years, books and movies have touched on this subject.  In Bridget Jone’s Diary, Mark Darcy tells Bridget: “I like you, very much. Just as you are.”  He replaces her negative thoughts with the idea that she is “enough” – just the way she is!

We LAUGH about these attempts at self-affirmation, but in all honesty, it is important!  Take for example, Saturday Night Live’s Stuart Smalley’s daily affirmations skit where he stands in front of the mirror and repeats: “You are good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it, people LIKE you!” (Skits circa 1975).

In the book, made into movie, The Help, one of the MOST quoted portions of the movie is where the help tells the little girl: “You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”― Kathryn Stockett, The Help.

Positivity and refusing to let that negative tape play is a choice.  Much like Pollyanna’s “Glad Game.”  Pollyanna, an orphan character in another book turned movie (by Disney) created the glad game.  The game consists of finding something to be glad about in every situation. The game started when one Christmas, Pollyanna, who was hoping for a doll in the missionary barrel, found only a pair of crutches inside. Making the game up on the spot, Pollyanna's father taught her to look at the good side of things—in this case, to be glad about the crutches because "we didn't need to use them!"  VOILA!  In another classic moment, Pollyanna reads the quote on a locket from her deceased father:  “When you look for the bad in mankind, expecting to find it, you surely will. - Abraham Lincoln.”  Similarly, when you look for the good, you will surely find that too!  It’s always a choice.

When I started in my direct sales business, I had no idea that I had let those negative thoughts/tapes take control over my life!!  Even though I wanted and decided to leave my career and  “stay at home” with my kids, I somehow felt myself slowly slipping away.  The long days gave me ample opportunity to find fault with myself and second-guess my decision to “stay home.”  It wasn’t long before I didn’t recognize the reflection in the mirror. 

Once I started my little lash biz, the strangest thing happened!!! I started getting my mojo back.  I started to get “THAT girl” girl back – the one who was bold, self-confident and believed in herself!!  Yes…THAT girl.  I had to!!! Why?  Because I had to believe in myself FIRST before I could believe in others!!  I was FORCED to look for the positive if I was going to succeed!!!

At one point, early in my career, I was tempted to allow the negative tapes to run wild.  Comparing myself to others, I heard those voices tell me: “You aren’t like her, you don’t have her network, she has more time than you do, she lives next door to her sponsor, I don’t know anyone in this town, I can’t do this, why did I start this, why did I think I could succeed.”  Yes. I let the garbage in.  I had become an enormous TRASHCAN for negative thoughts. 

Prior to throwing in the towel, I reached out to a friend, and she re-directed my thoughts.  I had always believed in “dressing for the job you want, not the job you have,” and she told me to BE THE LEVEL (or in my company’s case, color promotion), that I wanted to BE!  Instead of focusing on my “limitations”, I made of list of what it WOULD TAKE to achieve my goals. What would it take to overcome those obstacles I felt were in the way of my success!!! 

I needed to STOP feeling sorry for myself. I needed to stop looking for every excuse in the book to FAIL and I need to show up and BE the leader I wanted to BE!!!  So I did!!!  I did!!!

When the negative thoughts would creep into my head I would stop them. I would re-focus and think to myself: “What would I tell a team member?”  How would I coach them?  Then, I would say the SAME thing to myself!! 

I’m not perfect. I’m still a work in progress.  But I try to remind myself, and others, EVERYDAY that I/we deserve better.  I do not deserve to think those negative, self-limiting thoughts! 

So cheers to deleting the negative!!!  Time to play the “glad game!” 

p.s. I’m really glad you’re reading this!!!  Thanks!!!