Life keeps getting better and better! When I was younger, I think I feared getting "older" and older to me, meant in my 40's! However, I never expected the amount of liberation and freedom I would feel once I matured, shed my concerns over what others' think of me, and started to live more authentically!
During my first few pregnancies, I lived in fear. I was afraid of gaining too much weight, afraid of losing "myself," afraid of what I thought others would say, and afraid...essentially, of the changes that were taking place with my body! Being a self-proclaimed perfectionist, being "out of control" of my body for 9 months is a nerve-wracking experience!
I hid behind these insecurities and said things like: "I just don't post belly pictures." I'm not an "exhibitionist." "Pregnancy is a private matter." I hid my belly behind looser-fitting maternity clothes, and listened to some of my relatives "tsk tsking" those women who wore body-hugging dresses during their pregnancy. I lived my life walking on egg shells and worried about what EVERYONE else thought. I was so consumed with my own insecurities, that I missed out on the joy and miracles taking place.
This time around, I feel a very different sense of freedom. I have been willing to embrace maternity fashion that I avoided before. Instead of fighting my body, and the life growing inside, I have reached a new level of peace. I'm embracing it all. Now that I'm 41, the fact that I'm carrying another child after experiencing secondary infertility, miscarriage and more, is a testament to the strength of my marriage, my body and my soul. I'm proud. I'm proud of the miracle growing inside.
I've reached a point, where if others express disdain, shock or uncomfortableness with a woman in her 40's being pregnant, this is THEIR issue. So much discussion takes place about our bodies. So much judgment is passed between women, about women!! Instead of celebrating what our bodies can do, and the strength that comes with LIFE...we SHAME each other.
Yesterday, I shed my fear. I embraced life and I embraced my adventures in MIDLIFE!! I took maternity photos!!! This was really out of my comfort zone, but honestly? It was one of the most liberating moments of my life!!
I'm sure I will receive some criticism over these photos from family and friends, whom express pointed opinions about pregnancy etc., but, again, now that I'm older, I see these "opinions" as a reflection of their own insecurities and body shame issues.
I'm living and loving my life!! If I knew in my 20's or 30's, that life would be this FREE, I may have shed those silly concerns over what others' thought of my sooner!!
Watching my sister battle breast cancer has been eye-opening for me. I LOVE her photos where she bears her soul. Her photos of herself with a bald head, are an amazing depiction of her strength and resolve to beat this disease. I can see the empowerment in her eyes in those photos. I see the determination, the resolve and the LOVE of life. I see a similar look in my own eyes in these photos. I see love, acceptance, comfort and peace. I wish, as women, we could live our entire lives that way.
It is my hope that my daughter, whom I carry in these photos, will see these pictures and be inspired to live authentically. To live FREE from the opinions of others and FREE from the confines of societal handcuffs. I hope she sees that LIFE is always a gift, a blessing and a miracle.
Photos curtesy of: sonshineportraitdesign.com and the amazing photographer, Christie Kline!
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