Shame on me. Daring Greatly

Shame on me. My friend gave me the book, "Daring Greatly," months ago.  It's sat on my bookshelf, and I've had every intention to read it, but didn't. Shame on me!  I should have read this book years ago!

Let me just say that Brene Brown, the author, is genius, and I'm literally thanking God (and my friend) for nudging me to read it this morning.

Since returning home from London on Saturday night, my sleep cycle is still off.  Since falling back asleep seemed out of the question at 4:00 a.m., I decided to pick up the book.  WOW.  Wow, wow, wow, wow WOW!

As I write this, I'm only on page 98. Every sentence is powerful and ripping off the blinders and band-aids I've had on!  My mind is spinning.  I literally feel like I can't get my arms around the material until I write it down!  (I'm learning that I use my writing and research as a "shame shield").

Essentially, at this point in the book I'm learning that we live in a SHAME-induced culture that has ties to "scarcity."  We never have enough time, money, talent, fame, success etc. etc. and we are SHAMED into believing that we are not good enough or worthy of love for a failure to be MORE.

Our shame-based fears affect our struggles and our behaviors, often creating a wicked cyclical effect, augmenting our shame-based fears and taking us farther away from feeling worthy and loved.  This shame impacts how we live our life, the decisions we make and how we judge and treat others.

Why is this hitting home with me?

First, I don't know many mothers and fathers who DON'T feel ashamed at one point or another.  My mom came to stay with my three little boys while I traveled to London.  When I returned, my kids were better behaved, the house was clean, the laundry was done and even my cabinets were organized.  Does it sound like I'm complaining?  I'm not!  I'm entirely grateful that I have such loving and supportive parents.  BUT...the shame tape started running in my head: "You suck as a housekeeper.  You suck as a mom.  You ought to spend more time cleaning, doing laundry etc. etc. than building your business and career."  As I looked around my clean home, I started to feel SHAME! I started to feel that I wasn't good enough and not worthy. No one SAID this to me, I said it to MYSELF!  Ugh!  Since when did I get so good at beating myself up?

Next, the concept of shame has hit home with respect to my relationships.  I've noticed that certain "unfavorable" behavior is triggered by shame, and how belittling or cutting one "down-to-size" does not fix such said behavior, but instead, exacerbates it.  Body image, religion, sex, addiction...all the BIG shameful issues that we "aren't suppose to talk about," yet impact our relationships. We limit ourselves, and put up shields to protect against and deflect our shame.  This past weekend my husband told me that I could be GREAT, if I stopped trying to be so perfect. He jokingly suggested my "perfectly coiffed hair" was a shield.  I'm learning that is true.

Not only am I identifying my own SHAME (shame that I've gained weight over the past few years, shame that I've "let myself go..." just to name the more innocuous shame issues), but I'm identifying how I've been a part of shaming others!  I've shamed the ones I love!  Holy crap! Why? Why would I shame the ones I love?  BIG eye-opener for me with respect to my OWN behavior in several relationships.

This is hitting home because in my adult life, I often wondered (sometimes out loud): "Why do I worry? Why do I CARE what others think about me?"  Why do I limit myself because I'm afraid of what people will think or say?  Moreover, why am I so narcissistic in thinking that others will care or talk about what I'm doing?

Worrying about what others will think or say has played a prominent role with me this past year.  As you know from reading this blog, I sell mascara.  Yes. I did it.  I decided to go into Direct Sales or MLM (multi-level marketing).  Me!  I did!  The attorney-by-trade lady!  I'm not going to lie. People have scoffed at me and said: "why would you do THAT when you have a legal degree?"  I've had people snicker, talk behind my back and make fun.  I've even had my son come home from school and tell me that some kids were making fun of me at school.

But WHY? Why would I feel SHAME about doing something I love?  About working with amazing women who inspire and uplift me everyday?  Why would I feel shame about owning my own business, and leading a team of close to two thousand women?  Why would I feel shame about contributing financially to my family and allowing us freedoms that I wouldn't have with a "traditional" job?  WHY?  Shame. Our culture of shame. That is why.

What I've learned and found through navigating my emotional battles this past year, is that I'm sick of feeling afraid.  I'm sick of living my life according to other's LIMITATIONS.  I want to live life on MY terms. I want to be BRAVE and I want to DARE GREATLY!

Where do I go from here? I'm going to keep reading for starters!  I'm going to learn how to identify my shame,  learn to better utilize "shame-resilient" techniques, and be a better wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, leader and person.

I'm going to SHOW up and let myself be seen -- the midlife mother who's slinging mascara --  because I'm daring greatly!  Younique convention 2014 ♫ Music: Meghan Trainor - All About That Bass Made with ‪#‎flipagram‬ http://flipagram.com/f/PxQcEzAXV7

xoxoxoxxo

Leslie