I saw this commercial on Youtube last week and I think it's all sorts of brilliant! Similac needs to give their PR company and the team who came up with this idea a HUGE raise! HUGE!
I always feel sorry for new moms (and dads). They are about to embark on the most amazing experience of their lives, but what they don't realize is all the unsolicited advice, judgment and SHAME they will receive along with the delivery of their baby!
I'm still reading Daring Greatly, and I immediately thought how spot on the Similac video is regarding our culture of shame and "never being enough." In her book, Brown discusses judgment and writes:
"We are hard on others because we're hard on ourselves. That's exactly how judgment works. Finding someone to put down, judge, or criticize becomes a way to get out of the web or call attention away from our [shame] box...What's ironic (or perhaps natural) is that research tells us that we judge people in the areas where we're vulnerable to shame, especially picking folks who are doing worse than we're doing. If I feel good about my parenting, I have no interest in judging other people's choices." Daring Greatly, pg. 98-99.
Yes!! I feel blessed to have experienced new motherhood from the vantage point of a full-time working mom, to a full time stay at home mom, to a mom working a full time-flexible career that allows me to work my job around my family. In fact, I was blessed to have two sisters try to juggle their legal careers and motherhood too! The struggle is real. The guilt and shame are real. It's like a battle going on in your head EVERYDAY.
What I learned in every situation is this: Shame is always there. If I'm pursuing my legal career and putting my child in daycare I feel guilt and shame that I'm not being a good parent. When I gave that career up to stay home with my children, I felt the shame of "throwing away my career," and no longer having "real value." When I was working, I was jealous of the moms go got to go to tumbling, the mommy and me classes, the parties and school and had the "luxury" of wearing sweats and napping when their kids' napped. When I stayed home full time, I longed for the days of putting on my suit, adult conversation, professional accolades and lunch...ALONE! My point? Grass is always greener on the other side, and there is always a benefit and a drawback to every lifestyle choice!
So what is one to do if there is no RIGHT answer? Easy! The answer has to be RIGHT for YOU. As Brown points out, if we feel good about our parenting, we have no interest in judging! Which leads me to believe, given the amount of "mommy judgment," that exists today, a majority of us do not feel good about our parenting! Let that one sink in, and think about it next time you hear a group of mommies gossiping!
But we do. We do gossip. We do judge. We do it to try to escape our own "perceived shaming deficiency." And the most harmful and insidious part, as Brown points out, is that we're passing this mean-girl "counterfeit survival mechanism down to our children." Pg. 99.
I try so hard not to pass along unsolicited advice to new moms. I try VERY hard not to judge others for the parenting styles they adopt. I'm not in their home, I don't know their health issues, or their personal stories. I don't know if that formula-feeding mom HAS to formula feed because she has to go back to work or her family won't survive. I don't know if the baby has a hard time latching on. I don't judge the breastfeeding mom who chooses to feed her child everywhere, whenever she can, because I don't know if she's ever experienced infertility or miscarriages, so she's literally milking every second out of motherhood. The point is that NONE of us know, and we should ALL be nicer and cut each other some slack.
What makes a kid happy? A happy mom. And a happy mom, usually allows for a happier family home environment. The saying "If momma ain't happy, nobody is happy" is true! So whatever is making a mom happy...let her be!
I still struggle with my feelings of being a good parent. I struggle every.darn.day. It's the single hardest job I've ever had. But I'm doing the best I can with what I have. Here's to freedom of choice!
xoxoxoxoxo
Leslie
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